Happy Halloween. I’ll trade you my Twix for your Tootsie Rolls. Deal? Diets have no place near trick-or-treat bags. That includes fad diets, which I guess are an oxymoron. If the diet really worked, it wouldn’t disappear after a few years.
I thought Atkins was for the birds, but I stand corrected. Apparently it’s for the cats. As I was reading the A.M. Metro on the train, I came across this report:
“A Scottish cat named Fidget used to tip the scales at 22 pounds. But the feline’s owner put him on a meat-rich diet, and Fidget’s been shedding the weight ever since. Fidget’s owner made the change – an Atkins Diet for cats – when the 18-year-old cat could no longer crunch dry biscuits. Fidget now weighs a respectable 11 pounds.”
This whole situation is much too, oh I don't know, anthropomorphic. My crystal ball says Fidget won’t last through the holiday season. Why?
A. He’s 18, which I think is like 1,254 in human years.
B. Like I said, the poor feline is old. His teeth might as well be peanut brittle. So he's given a diet based on human habits? While you’re at it, give this cat some dentures. I suggest Poli-grip. That way he can tear into that ribeye without embarrassment or fear.
C. His diet consists largely of meat. Have you had his LDL cholesterol checked lately?
D. His name is Fidget. Studies show that cats with wonky names are less likely to live past 18 than those named “Mungo Jerry,” “Grizabella” or “Felix.”
