The Famous Chocolatier Is Back

In Charlie’s Chocolate Factory, pink lamb fluff becomes cotton candy. What a wonderful factory it is.

Some things are just meant to go together: Steak and potatoes. Oreos and milk. Tim Burton and Johnny Depp. I had been anxiously anticipating “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” since I first heard that Burton was remaking Roald Dahl's classic. And the mouthwatering wait was worth it.

First things first - I adore Gene Wilder and think his performance as Willy was charming and delightful. It surprises me that the first Wonka movie flopped at the box office. But Mel Brooks' The Producers flopped too, and I consider Wilder's role in that movie one of the greatest comedic performances ever.

While Depp’s take on Wonka is enchanting in its own way, his approach is creepier, right down to the purple latex gloves. The draping coat and heeled boots may make one think he is the confectioner formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince. He walks a bittersweet line between naughty and nice. A touch less extreme than the Grinch who stole Christmas, his iciness eventually melts like M&M's in your mouth (and not in your hand*). Looking at the two Wonkas is a bit apples-to-oranges, and I'm not one for snarky Hollywood comparisons. Both Wonkas are fabulous.

Gene Wilder may always win my vote, but I think the second movie is better. It has been given plenty of mediocre reviews. I give it two thumbs up. Wonka is dark, like my favorite chocolate. Charlie Bucket is so innocent and sweet, and his grandpa Joe is perhaps the most adorable old man in the world.** The set is eye candy (tee hee) in a way only Tim Burton could conjure up. And oh how those Oompa Loompas can bust out a song and dance number.

My two cents: This movie is highly entertaining. Go to the candy store, buy some chocolate treats, and get your (golden) ticket today.

*Actually, summers in the City are more humid than Loompa Land. Eat M&M's in this town, and I guarantee your hand will be more colorful than a Kandinsky painting.

**With the exception of my grandpa Woodrow L. Berta.

The Fine Art of Barefoot Running

Runners of the world, slow down and read me. Does your achilles' tendon ache? Do your heels hurt? What about your knee? Maybe just your knee cap? I recently read a Times article about running that got my mind racing. The best part was the opening paragraph:

"UNTIL he met a reclusive tribe of near-mythical athletes at the bottom of a Mexican canyon, Micah True could never figure out why his running injuries got worse as his running shoes got better. Then, the Tarahumara Indians taught him a lesson that even Nike is now starting to embrace: the best shoe may be no shoe at all." (The New York Times "Kick Off Your Shoes and Run Awhile," Christopher McDougall - June 23, 2005)

The article asked why - with all the technological advancements in running shoes over the past 30 years - have we not seen a decrease in running injuries? In a nutshell, the argument is that fancy shmancy sneakers have made our feet lazy. Legs absorb shock better than heels do, and the mega cushioning in running shoes tend to restrict the movement of our feet, sometimes putting unneeded weight on our heels. Barefoot runners, on the other hand, have much stronger, more flexible feet, and pressure is distributed more evenly when running.

The proof is in the pudding. In this case, the pudding is of the rubber tire variety (I prefer tapioca). Mr. True, who I referenced in the opening paragraph, had been plagued by injuries while training for ultramarathons. On one of his ridiculously long races, he met some swift runners from Mexico, who frequently placed in the top rankings. These speedsters wore homemade huaraches made from strips of old tires. Their feet? Injury free and fast as hell. They taught him to "run lightly on the front of his foot instead of heavily on his heel. " And it worked.

I may revert back to wearing my sprinting shoes whenever I run. They're ultra flexible and have far less cushioning than my cross-training shoes. If you don't have sprinting shoes, I suggest you do the next best thing: Chop up an old tire and strap it onto your feet. Three, two, one...go!

McDonald's Revisited

Dear Ronald,

I realize my previous posting (see Fruit Buzzard) was a bit harsh. I guess my humble little point is that fast food should be fast (i.e., it shouldn't require assembly). While your plastic bags and containers assure fresh fruit and creamy yogurt, why can't the employees assemble the buzz upon order?

But enough ranting. Truth be told, every once in a great, great, great while, I enjoy McDonald's French fries. I'd like to commend Micky D's for serving some actual health food. But wait…the Fruit Buzz has more calories and more grams of fat than a McDonald's hamburger. Huh? Regardless, not many are going to choose a Fruit Buzz over a super-sized meal. But props to you for taking a step in curbing the fatty epidemic that plagues our nation.

Why are so many research dollars being poured into this larger than life problem? It's called eat in moderation, and don't sit on your ass all day long! Bring healthier foods and nutrition education into the classroom, and make healthier food more affordable and more available in impoverished areas. Oh, and more vegetables. You can always eat more vegetables. Sweet potatoes are unbelievably healthy, for instance.

As for those clowns who sue McDonald's for their obesity problems, don't even get me started. Who on God's green earth would not realize that a few hundred quarter pounders with cheese wouldn't lead to clogged arteries? I think those folks should be given fifty lashes from Grimace, and not a lash less. Anyway, Ronald, do send my regards to the Hamburglar. Stripes are in.

Yours truly,
Jessica

McDonald's Fruit Buzzard

You take some grapes, slice a few apples, throw in some yogurt and a sprinkling of walnuts. Sounds like a nutritious recipe for success, right? Try again. I’m talking about the new McDonald’s Fruit Buzz. Catchy name, sure. But I think the shiny-shoed folks in corporate threw away too many pennies on marketing a flawed product. And I'm not talking bruised apples.

I opened up Vanity Fair to find a bright, four-page foldout ad for this much hyped Fruit Buzz. And then, miracle of miracles, I came across a coupon for a free Buzz. Thought I'd give it a whirl...

I'm hardly lovin' it. Why? For starters, the Buzz requires assembly. The apples and grapes are in one container. The walnuts are in a plastic bag. The yogurt is in yet another container. Am I at a Tupperware party? The apples are nestled in that stage where they're a bit too large to eat in a single bite but are a pain to cut into smaller pieces. And the amount of yogurt is stingy-sized. The overall concoction is too sweet for my taste.

I’m afraid Ronald may have to go back to the drawing board on this one. Until then, I'll continue to make my own yogurt parfaits.

Sweet Jamba and a Rickshaw Ride Gone Sour

I have passed by many Jamba Juice stands. I have seen the long lines. I have heard rave reviews about how delicious this place is. You say "tasty," I say "overpriced juice shakes full of sugar." But recently, I joined a colleague on a jaunt to the Jamba hut on 42nd near Bryant Park. I immediately felt like I was in a carrot juice version of a Broadway show. The staff was singing "Welcome to Jamba Juice" as if they were up for a Tony.

Right, so I placed my order (I got something like a Citrus Breeze), and the cashier asked me if I wanted a free energy boost. Free? Yes, please. After asking what these boosts were all about, I got a 15-second crackspeed rundown of maybe five different energy options. I chose the immunity. Holy hell, after downing that drink, I was bouncing off the walls at work. Whatever was in it, I wanted more - and fast. I rarely drink caffeine and probably should have thought about that before agreeing so readily to the boost. The first one is always free, right?

But this got me thinking...is Jamba Juice full of addictive (over-the-counter) drugs? The employee morale couldn't be explained by good pay or solid benefits alone. Nay, nay. Something more powerful was at work. After calling up Jamba, I learned that each worker receives a free "meal" per shift. Um...free meal as in a speedy fruit smoothie? I also found out that the number of ingredients in an immunity shot is longer than the menu at Shopsin’s. We had a Jamba employee on speakerphone in the office for a good 10 minutes. I’ve got to investigate this further...

In other news, my mom and I decided to take a pedicab for a 20-block ride from the theatre to a restaurant on 63rd and Broadway this weekend. After 10 blocks, the driver was huffing and puffing. Did she need a Jamba boost? We were passed by two pedicabs (with passengers) and numerous cars. Then one of the lights on the back of our pedicab fell off, only to be crushed under the tire of a town car. Unlucky! But funny. Shortly after that, the front wheel began to give out. Our ride ended two blocks short, and we were charged $20. Um...rip off?